Unfortunately these pieces need to meet the reader where he or she is, so there will definitely be different perspectives based on the context of each individuals situation. I told her actions speak louder than words and ur refusing to talk but abandoning me to leave the state. I was treated with an initial dose of flexoril and valium and ***NEURONTIN*** (Gabapentin). What You Need to Know When Your Partner Leaves. We have had plenty of problems since we had kids together but we were both Farley young when this happened so that could be the problem. I did offer that he gets help but of course it was nothing wrong with him. We did everything together, camping, hunting, fishing, holidays, and Netflix marathons of snuggling on the couch. We started dating at 17 and married at 25. Leave them alone. When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help. You could emagine how I felt like someone ripped my heart out.I started telling him how can you go back after every thing that I have been nothing but loyal to him. It comes down to saying, this sucks but also saying to ourselves whatever and just knowing we tried. If you noticed, we mentioned reading self-help books. A month ago my partner of 4 years woke up got ready for work, was just about to leave when I asked him about meeting to go book our summer holidays he turned to me and said I dont think we should as I dont live you anymore Im leaving you. Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. If you dont nurture your marriage it will wither and die. Protect your assets. We cannot figure her out this is so unlike her. You wont even bother to try to communicate with him and find your self at peace not playing into his emotional abuse games. It's called anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure or interest in anything. If it wasnt for my children, I would leave this earth. I stopped 2 suicide attempts, had to commit her to hospitals until she got out of her dark spots. Try mindfulness to break the circle of thought and let it guide you on. Really sounds like he is the one that will be missing out, just find yourself again. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. And this is incredibly helpful because it gives people a chance to talk about what they have been through and figure out a way to fix it in the future. Then we irretrievably hate. 3. Sometimes the more you resist the worse it is. Our new counselor really seems to understand our real issue, which is communication on a very big level. Sign up and Get Listed. He stopped saying i love you or acted although it was painful to say. Most of these illnesses stem from abandonment rejection abuse maybe we should go back to asylums. Oh gosh Im sorry for your pain. I dont think I will ever be able to trust again, I wonder everyday why I even want to remain on this earth if there is so much evil here. Now, your one and only is gone and you're left sitting wondering where everything went wrong and why he left. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. To this day I am sure she placed them there knowing I was coming. The papers are signed. I was not an angel but I dont think I deserve the treatment Im receiving. My organs were beginning to shut down, and I wound up at the hospital. What did you do to cause her to leave? So even though this is anecdotal evidence at best, if you are suffering for so long over something traumatic that has created a lifetime of grief for you, I would suggest that you speak to a doctor about trying treatment with neurontin for a while, and seeing how you feel. How do I get thru this pain? Hes 45 yo, 21 years married. Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Blog. Ive always tried to change to be more what she wanted, but nope. Wishing you the best, If you are not than this is a problem that needs solved, as I am sure you would be right at his side if roles were reversved. Im still not sure how he just left us like that. A 2009 study found women living with life threatening illnesses were more likely than others to experience spousal abandonment. You need to look great now. My kids are suffering too. You can also visit her website Mint Movement here. I respect her decision, but there is a lot of envy there. Get your big boy pants on and realize that shes got a screw loose and youre not a mechanic. But I did it and discovered 2 empty bottles of butane. How so? Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. Hes 52 years old.its been 2 months of separation. I found a job making less money but I manage. very hard. Its so weird! She went through chemo treatments and subsequently radiation treatments. I did it all. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. Thank you for your response! My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my child seems to have just done the very same thing to me. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Im 33. No real reason, rhyme.. if only it made sense. . I would suggest conseling to him. The reasons for affairs are very gray and multilayered. I dont have friends that I can confide in, I dont have family to talk to. But I will not allow someone to make an inaccurate statement about people with personal disorders. I am truly lost without her. And it might be wrong but I cant just cut people out of our lives as he has done. Cruel. Its been five weeks and he put our house up for sale. My Dad is strong, and my Mother is even stronger. I worked 2 jobs for 5 of our 7 years to put him through school. I love my children and feel I am stuck between it all Surviving; my job; my children and my new love. A common example would be a major medical illness. No, Im not saying that you need to forget all that happened. Finally she calls when she is halfway there. For him to leave like that in the middle of the night tells me that he is very immature! Hi.im married to my husband forfor 4 years.i made more money than him.I stuck by him through his madness.Drinking and drugging.He never went for help.I always felt he was doing what he wanted because he just wanted to.I cared for him too much.I let my guard down.He now has a better job and only four months being employed,he says we have nothing in common, we should be friends.He not used to anything.Now he gets another chance of living a better life, hes gone.All he did was lie to me . Please someone give me some advice. Each counselor has said the same thing, he is focused on himself. I have someone that they work with that gives me info and all they do is talk about me and say Im a terrible mother and person.. Hi, I married my wife when i was 22 yo We have kids high school age. Her tone and her demeanor were so condescending. But I still love her, more than those words could ever describe. I dont even know where to start now. She tells me she is not sure who she wants to be with. It is so heart braking, that I can feel my heart hurt.My husband makes our marriage failure my fault. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how Dr.Mack have helped a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell . I vow to maintain my essence for me. Why hasnt society caught up with that? It feels better to chat about it, too know others are going through the same thing & it does suck. Have you thought about maybe having the teacher of your oldest daughter call DYFS? When my kids are with me im fine but when they leave to go home it takes me at least an hour to get my head straight. children. Not just on the weekends. Her parents became yet more overpowering towards her and to my kids adding yet more stress. Worst day of my life just praying she would come to her senses and save our family. I must be strong. This happens slowly and mysteriously until, one day, there are no common interests and someone gets bored and wants to move on. me and he had promised he would love me forever. Loyalty, infidelity, honesty. He is totally messed up in the head and most of the stuff he says contradicts itself one day to the next. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. Dont be a victim . They lost a mom too it sounds. He has always been a terrific father. Doesn't Care. Kids dont know, says he is making sure. Just be true to yourself. His father, a minister, married us. Home has been sold and I need to be out in 1 month and now he wants to send people to my home to pick things up. Where are you located? I guess Im in the shock phase right now. You are dead to me as I am to you so lets not resurrect the dead. He literally left me and took my son for almost joint custody. Guest blog from 'Paul' - a man whose marriage ended because of his wife's menopause. But things with him have never been logical. Your marriage can't be strong and peaceful if your husband is acting like he doesn't care. I still find myself wanting her back, I miss her. I was up all night waiting for her and when she got home at 8 am, it really hit the fan. I figured it just didnt work out with them but now our baby is 10 months and he does not pay bills help clean help with the kids. Then a notable lack of interest. Its just interesting that two years went by and he never once mentioned anything about being unhappy since the former conversation but felt justified to leave because he had a conversation two years prior to him leaving. Mental illness alone is no excuse to break up with someone. Thank you I needed to hear this because my relationship is in trouble and Im so in love with him, Uvette He was determined. If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. Sometimes all it takes is to know someone believes in you to find the strength. Rage that would be primarily directed towards friends and family. She told me she left me for four of the reasons you mentioned. Help, Good Therapy!!!! He is a sociopath who researched, calculated and executed a horrific crime on another human being with no remorse, empathy, compassion and humanity!! In this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel. So sad .. Hi Susan how is your leg? Im going to make what might seem a peculiar suggestion, for the sake of those who cannot get over something like this. After breakups, we are known to cut our hair, move to another state and make quick decisions based on a temporary emotional feeling, she notes. The sadness consumed me like an angry fire I couldnt put out. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. Their loss. Sorry for your situation i am also dealing with a similar situation I was just told by a woman I have been with for 9 years who is also the mother of our 5yo daughter that we will not be getting married next month as planned she will be getting married to someone else this was completely out of no where considering the past five mo have been nothing but me working no less than 80 hours a week as many as 120 just killing myself to build our house and support our family not only did she leave me alone on Christmas she took my daughter and went to be with this man thats older than her granparents she refused to give me a few hours wth my kid Christmas Day eventually I took my daughter that evening thing I cant figure is she was telling everyone of our apparent wedding date and spending all my money saying how she loves me so much and cant wait to be married just hours before she decided it was not what she wants now being in a smaller town immediately everyone knows i felt really low like Im young and have my own business I felt like I was doin ok trying to build a future and she leaves me for an old man I was not only heartbroken but also felt so embarrassed ashamed angry I couldnt even pick my head up I couldnt look anyone in the eye it has been pretty much the most humiliating horrible thing I have ever experienced as a recovering addict I hit a low that far exceeded my worst days of being a herion addict at this point Im still in what ppl wold consider a risky time period for relaps however its just not an option i just refuse to go back to that miserable exestiance being fully clean I felt alive for the first time in years I was feeling happier than Id ever been my life was going great I just couldnt be thankful enough I was at an all time high in life my daughter was just doing great got my business going beautiful woman life was just perfect and then it happened hit a low I never knew where did this come from this woman I trusted with my life how could she just leave me I never thought I could feel so horrible using has not been an issue I know the outcome and I dont need it never got a sorry or nothing not a dam thing it just goes on an on the things got worse and worse big mess she just wont stop trying to ruin my life point is my friend I made really do love this woman more than I can express but I have chosen to sever this wicked witch from my life other than picking up or dropping off my kid as much as it hurts not to fight for her she must not love anyone but herself if she is so willing to risk putting my daughter into a broken home possibility of triggering relapse that will certainly end my life the shame she puts on all of us the lies told for months in church to her parents that happen to be the most amazing ppl I have ever known broke their hearts as well due to their religious stand point and the relationship I have with them this was very disappointing to them disappointed is an understatement I actually was feeling bad about how much it hurt them I couldnt believe it these ppl loved me and their grandchild so much that it really really destroyed their hopes after all they had done to help us get our lives together including the financial means to build a house that was for the three of us something I could not have ever imagined living in without them I originally was doing the house just to help them do whatever they wanted to do with it but then they were just like by the way when its done you guys can have it we only worked nights weekends on it because I never would let them pay me even when I had no idea they would give it to us just because they had already done so much for me in the years I been with their daughter one of the harder things about loosing my girl was that I love her parents like they were my own and I have for many years through all this nothing will ever change between her parents and myself that is a big help I try not to be angry its not been but a matter of days Im up and down I just cant be with a woman that is so selfish and put my daughter through any more than she has endured she has been through enough and I dont have time to give my relationship it all needs to focus on my daughter not to mention that her mother has not shown or made any indication that she is sorry or even willing to come back if you feel like you cant live without her you can I feel the same way but I know I have loved before and I can again in time so can you if you feel you can work it out and move forward with a good result go for it this is not the first time this woman has done this to me you see we have been down this road and all I can say is this was the last time I already know she will make an attempt to come back at some point but I can not let her as much as it hurts and I want to be with her were humans too we deserve better than the pain that type of situation puts us in most times they do it once they will do it again I also have found that in my experience the more beautiful she is on the outside the person in that beautiful shell is ugly rotten there are girls that are beautiful all the way around you just have to be willing to look for them cause they are out there then you gotta be smart enough not to let them get away no matter what no woman is out of any mans league thats just what ppl say that dont have the confidence to get what they want dont feel like you have to accept being cheated on because your not gonna find someone better thats just not true and inner beauty is the way to go Ive had relationships with both and the the pretty ones always make life unbearable I have only met a small handful of women that were beautiful and not messed up in the head beyond repair I have met tons of girls I was not attracted to that by the end of a conversation were suddenly starting to be interesting eventually I become very attracted to and they have been the best girlfriends hands down this has been my personal experience I dont know if it helps but writing about it helps me and hopefully you werent like me and your woman was cheating with an old man this girl is super hot 26 and she is sleeping with an old man I mean like sixty thats just I hope thats not your situation its pretty damaging to my pride manhood whatever but in reality its not me what sane person does that I thought what if I did that to her with some old woman no thanks Im not into it even if I was Id be ashamed enough not too be open about it so if anything you can get a laugh out of it I used to always joke with this girl about her doin this when we watched the movie big daddy once and after that it was just a little joke we had apparently I was joking ok well I hope you come to solution that leaves you happy I am not happy about the choice I made but I just have to do it its hard to imagine the woman you love being with someone thats not you no matter how old or young either way it still hurts and makes you feel like life is over but u gotta take care of the little ones gotta be their dad nobody can be his or her dad better than u and dont go back into something you know is over but you dont want to accept it thats what I did even when she told me she loved me I knew she didnt but she would lie to me and i would pretend like she was telling the truth because I didnt want to accept it was really over for good at some point I knew I would have to so now is as good as any good luck to you I hope you get the best possible outcome just remember your not any less important than her if you let yourself slip into that idea they will walk all over you but I dont know I dont want to give bad advice thats just my experience everything I said is the way it happened for me but cant say for anyone else women are all a little bit crazy in some way guess we all are, Stay strong brotha. How about that? The hardest thing for me is to sleep alone. So just like you want to be loved and cared for, he wants the same thing. The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. Head up love yourself because if you dont how do you expect others to love you and dont beg or say you will do anything or offer to change it will not work . Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. There is no weekends off. Like being inside of Hitlers mind. Do you know someone who could benefit from this story? Its easy to get trapped in black-and-white thinking, but you will need to expand your concept of the situation to truly heal. I rent a room now after owningy castle. Hes dating without any problem Im sure. A homeowner was coming over to car to see if everything was okay and my son grabbed bottle and stuffed it between the seat she was out of it and managed to get back to the house where my son wanted to go home. 1. Its not you though,youjust do your best for your kids and do your best to just move on. He did not handle all of it well and went behind my back and hired an attorney, took a large amount of money out of our savings and then a couple months later filed for divorce, all while living with me and our family, going to counseling and being intimate with me. His excuse is he doesnt want the government involved. My therapist said I may never get an answer and for my black-and-white brain is a little difficult. Permission to publish granted by Andra Brosh, PhD. He is divorced and has 2 young girls. I resented my husband a lot during this time. Insert sarcasm lol. Oh well, f$%# her! And I continued living this new lie was a real Jekyll and Hyde until I met my wife who had / has a heart of kindness I had never experienced before. :). Its just so odd. Life was great than soon after he started being very mean to me yelling at me calling me names hanging up on me and than not evan coming home for days at a time. What happened will always be reality for us and you will n shall strong and healthy for your children and yourself. Scharnett-King K. (2022). Please know that you are always free to consult with a different therapist if you feel that your current therapist is unable to meet your needs. I love him and i have tried to do a lot to make him happy. She promised she was done . BTW. I just want to know what people think, and if anything would help. For his mothers birthday I baked and cooked all night and day. I know how you feel. Unlike bipolar or schizophrenia, a personality disorder is NOT a chemical imbalance! I have worked my butt off to be well. I think that when the hurt has worn off a little I will let her read this. Who locks their 3 year old out in the place with your bedroom door locked and not answering the child cry until the next morning when your mother shows up with your older child because you cant watch her overnight anymore and really dont watch the other one. I hope u can sort your situation so you are not left rearing the kids by yourself. My mum passed away suddenly in July 2014. I know it may seem a bit weird but I stumbled upon this site just the same way. Families dont have to be mother, father, children. The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. No body cared because he said things that were not true, every time I tried to go to a hearing they would cancel it, finally after 4 months they dropped. I broke down and hit the ultimate low and the very next day she used it and stripped me of custody and I didnt get to see my kids for 7 months. I see him on occasion for months have passed since we actually exchanged any communication, recently exchange some emails regarding my children who are now a senior in high school and a sophomore in college. They are the only thing that matters now and the better the life you make for them the quicker you will heal. SHARE this story on Facebook with your friends and family. Next thing I know, I was finding that he had taken all my jewelry including gifts he had given me and the pink slip to the vehicle we owned together. You may have your theories as to why he's gone, or he may have given you a reason already, but it all comes down to one core . My mom is sick. 7. She is a realtor. This was mid January. Apostle Paul said we humans face the test of times because we are like animals. She strings me along soo damn well She KNOWS I would give ANYTHING for my wife back, my absolute best friend in the entire world, my everything. I was lost. I been with my sons father for 8 years and throughout the whole 8 years he never treated me like a real person he always treated me like I was one of his friends and I never had the respect given from him to me but anyhow I stayed in this relationship it was rocky on and off I even left eight months in 2013 and he came back in 2014 of December and things have not been right every since I asked him cuz he have a history of cheating on me while we were in our relationship and always ask about other people were there at and why do you choose to keep coming back well I got a bit of a surprise in January of 2015 I was with him and that was the last time Ive been with him I found out that he have had a friend on the side and Im actually okay with that because the relationship has been rocky since the beginning so I just want to know why he didnt tell me straight forward that he was leaving me for another woman. Hi Andy But nope we ship off to my place and to my horror she wont answer the phones all weekend which really catches me off guard, I thought we were doing something here. I am confused. He screamed at me in front of his son when he arrived home. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Same happen to me when my husband left me but with the great help of great mutaba my husband came back to me. Well the doctor she was working with was giving her Vicodin, and soma, she also was getting zanax and other pills from doctor. Ive suspected there is another involved but have no concrete evidence other than intuition & one or two very suspicious epidodes, combined with secrecy from her, as opposed to privacy. Hate is a strong word but I think I do hate het for all the evil things she has done to me and our kids. I know he made some mistakes, but that doesnt mean that you have to live with them. The morning came and he started screaming at me. She was followed home while driving rental car in and out of her lane off shoulder and then into oncoming lane. He said he filed for divorce and that was a blow to my heart after he told me he was not even considering it. Thats were the acceptance came into play . Please let me know how you are doing. The message is so strong and clear when there is infidelity . It feels like I have been blind sided, she didnt even give us a try to work it out. I love my wife so badly that shes been my go to person for anything in my life. Our younger teen lives with me in the family home and the two of us are hoping the court will allow us to move closer to family out of state. I threw myself into my work to keep my mind occupied, and although I was present for my son Noah, I wasnt present in myself. Sociopaths goal is take a human being and destroy them down to the bottom of their soul. "You're being ridiculous.". ? He had no good reason and said we dont like the same things which made no sense to me at all. If you do a search on the topic you will find that studies are revealing an epidemic of infidelity right now. The number one rule of Christianity is forgiveness. Always go with your gut instinct and protect yourself until you feel safe again. Girlfriend, wife, gay, witness protection program, priesthood, something. My gf of 5 years left me bout a week ago we lived at her dads her dad decided to move out so she says shes going to live with her mom but i cant stay there with her so im homeless but a week ago i made her mad she left and didnt talk to me until today when she came to get her clothes. Hang in there, Remember its not you at all, its him!!!! Coping with the end of a relationship can be difficult on many levels. Just happened? And that is accepting that it might be a few years before your husband comes back to you or before you find someone to love you again. He is more interested in our character, than our comfort. Instead she has communicated with anothr man things hav developed. Moffa, now 76, had been married 52 years, and . I dont know how this pain is ever going to go away. I am an amazing husband and I am taking it all wrong. Hi Susan, I feel for you. I will follow this for now. So how do you know that a mental illness is there? I have been with my wife for 20years and married for 16 years. Please seek help for yourself to support you through this process. I read somewhere that narcsassists will never loose any sleep over our pain . I was a stay Hm dad for 3 years and I think it caused the divorce. You stay joyful in the midst of pain because your children will always be yours. My husband was self-centered and his way or the highway, very critical and emotionally abusive, cold, cold, cold but we were always able to make up and have hung I n there 26years. My niece has cancer and dying. Give her space and dont call her or text her 4. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. Over the past year he has been leaving me in the dark about a lot of stuff. Lately he has been sleeping in the spare room, leaves in the morning to visit his parents, comes back and then blames me saying that he dosent want to be around someone miserable. My children were now being brainwashed into believing I left then for this new woman as well as a few of her not so close friends. She mightve been young and had settled down with kids at a young age and wanted an escape, but with that Guy it wont Last and if it does she wont be Happy. I think thats why Im just waiting for him to call or come back, like he will realize he made a mistake.